Life Relationships

Relationships: Why it’s so hard to find a mate in the singles world

An Indian yogic master says he has the solution to singledom and know the reason why it’s so hard to find a mate in the singles world.

I spent a week last month on top of the world on a mountain in Sri Lanka at a luxury, but challenging yoga retreat, Santani.

It was there I worked with Sushant Pandey, a man who is regularly voted the best yoga instructor in the world, and who flies round the globe teaching people how to be at peace with themselves.

He works with cancer patients, army officers, the rich and the poor, and he told me the answer to the challenge of finding the right person in the singles world is actually quite simple.

“In the singles world today,  this throwing away behaviour  (breaking up before a relationship has even begun) comes from an inner vacuum, lack of fulfilment. It has nothing to do with the other person or their behaviour.

“We have become so casual about life, we take it all for granted, and we don’t walk with mindfulness everywhere we go, but we should.”

What he means is we should be in the moment a lot more, and appreciate and recognise and engage with the world around us.

Pandey said there are 4 causes of this affliction, and that by addressing them, we may just meet the right person, because we will (finally) be ready. In a sentence, this is all about knowing yourself inside and out, and letting go, but Pandey is far more articulate;

1 Vidya:knowledge: Vidya is a sanskrit word within Indian philosophy that refers to science, learning and knowledge, specifically the inner knowledge or intuition each of us discovers within ourselves. Knowing and trusting this inner wisdom is one of the first steps to knowing ourselves and knowing how to interact with the world around us.

So using this knowledge of the soul or intuition can guide us to our soul mate, we just need to find and and listen to it.

2 Avidya; Absence of knowledge of the nature of permanence, eternity. Pandey says this is the mother of all afflictions.

Pandey says we all think we are going to live forever, which is the root of all of the problems of humanity.

“Many people mistake transitory life, this life we have as eternal, but knowing we are on limited time changes everything.”

3. Death; Closely linked to the point above, Pandey says everyone is born with a death certificate, but most humans are in denial.

“Once we accept death, and that we will die, our life can become far more valuable to us, and we make very different decisions about many things, especially intimate relationships.”

4. Falsehoods: Many assume the falseness in the world as truth, and this can cover material goods, where we put so much value on say a new car or a new home, only to find a few months down the track, it has lost is value or meaning in our lives, and we are back where we started.

False relationships be it with friends colleagues or within intimate relationships are even worse, as we can invest a lot of ourselves, only to find we are left disappointed, and feel let down with ourselves.

5. Maya illusion, cosmic illusion.: Pandey talks about understanding and valuing who we really are, and he says our personalities and all that goes with it and them are actually an illusion. OK, so this concept is not that easy to grasp in a quick blog story, so I wont try, except to tell you it is all about detachment, seeing yourself, and the world around you from a global perspective, and give you a link to explain more here: 

So what does all of these have to do with being single I hear you ask? Well put simply, the reason we haven’t met the right person, lies within us, not the other person or people, or the dating apps or the bars we are going to or our friends trying to set us up.

Putting energy into ourselves will ultimately lead us to knowing ourselves and loving ourselves, and to receive love, we need to give love. So go do it.

 

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