A human behaviour expert says I should be able to find my soulmate within three weeks.
This week I interviewed American behavioural psychologist Dr John Demartini who says by following his method outlined below, you are highly likely to find you soulmate within three weeks.
Sounds a bit far fetched, I know, but he says finding love, and your soulmate, is all about us, and all we need to do is to look within.
Dr Demartini says looking inside ourselves is the best way to work out who we are, and then what type of person will work for us and ultimately be our soulmate.
Once I’ve done that, I simply go out and find them. Sounds simple, right? And he says it is.
He says if we all do the following, and ask ourselves the questions below, our whole life could change:
- What do you want in a partner? What are your values? Make a list & write it down. Do you want someone with a great face? hot body? A man who makes you laugh? Is super smart? Wealthy? Social? Kind? Family focussed? and so on. There can be up to 25, yes, 25!
- Look at the people in your life right now and see who is providing the above for you. I had never thought about this aspect of my life, but Demartini says; “For most women, there will be several, up to 10 people, men and women making you laugh, bringing intelligence into your life and so on. This is called your circle of influence, and you should feel empowered knowing you already have everything in your life and do not need a man for those things. Once you can accept this, it enables you to focus on the core values that are REALLY important for your soulmate to have, rather than wanting everything from one person.”
- Look back at the people you have had relationships with and recognise ways you are now avoiding the negative traits they had in your new connections . Demartini says we tend to avoid the negative traits people in our last relationship had to avoid being hurt, but he says that is not the way to find love.
To find love, he says, we must accept that “for every positive trait we’ve written down in point one, that trait comes with its opposite. In other words if we want someone generous, they will also be stingy, if we want someone kind, they will also have cruelty, if we want someone very successful, with that is likely to come arrogance and so on. That is the dynamic of human beings Demartini says, and it is the dynamic of life. We cannot run away when we see the opposite side of a trait we like, as one goes with the other. If we avoid the negative traits we saw and experienced in a previous mate, we will never receive the other side of the trait – the positive, and may not find the right man. In other words, we have to take risks, and be brave to go forwards.
- Never go for a guy who makes you the centre of his world. What Demartini means by this, is be careful what you wish for. He says that everyone has different values and priorities, and if your man puts you at number one, you probably wont like it one bit.
“Often women say they want a guy to treat them as number one priority in their life, not realising if a guy makes you number one in their life, they haven’t got anything else going on, so they may not be working, may not be fit and healthy, may not be family oriented etc, so it’s highly likely they wont have enough quality or values to sustain a relationship with you. You may have great sex for 8 hours a day, but that wont create the relationship you want ”
Demartini says we should look for a guy who makes us about number 4 in their life, in order to sustain a long term relationship.
- Become an expert in the 7 areas of your own life, the 7 values, first. “There are seven key areas within your life to master in order to be self sufficient and empowered and in order to realise you don’t need anyone else in your life,” Demartini says. These areas are spirituality, career, business, finance, social, physical, and family.
Demartini says these are super powerful. “Almost all domestic violence cases I see are when the woman has 5 of these missing. They are truly powerful to live a whole and balanced life.”
- Engage in activities you love so you have the highest chance of meeting someone in the same space. “To work out what you love and what your passions are, simply look at how you fill your space,” he says. “If you look at your home, you may have a computer, travel bags, and a lot of clothes. So your passions are work, travelling and fashion. The more we engage in things we love, the more energy we have and the happier we are, and the more likely we are to meet a better love match.
Once you have established who you are, who your idols are and what you are looking for in a soul mate, you just need to find them. And Demartini’s method is not about finding someone exactly like you, he has a theory on compatibility too.
“There is a tolerance zone. If someone is too much like you, you will get bored, if they are too different, you will not be attracted to them. There’s a zone where you have enough in common to stay connected but enough that is different to remain intrigued.”